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        中华人民共和国公安部全国公安文学艺术联合会 主办  中国社会主义文艺学会法治文艺中心协办

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        片警的一天(微电影剧本)

        来源:网投 作者:赵鹏

        早晨,片警推开派出所大门,边往社区走,边掏出手机拨打手机给媳妇(马路上喜迎圣诞节),“喂,媳妇,你告诉咱闺女,晚上我接她去。”

         

        走进小区,跟居民打招呼。

         

        李大爷:“哟,来了,强子。”

         警:“李大爷,您溜鸟回来了?”

        李大爷:“回来了,回来了。”

         警:“来,我再瞻仰瞻仰您这宝贝儿。”

         

        李大爷打开鸟笼罩子,一只塑料鸟。

         

         警:“好么,大爷,您这鸟怎么改塑料的了?”

        李大爷:“我觉得你说得对,这鸟呀,就得放天空里飞才最滋润。玩了一辈子的鸟,老了老了,我才刚明白了这个理儿。改塑料的了,你听,比真的嗓门还大呢。”

         警:“得嘞,您老这叫放归自然,境界高着呢。我走了。”

        李大爷:“这小子,嘴就是甜。”

         娘:“强子,我跟你说,你们警察得管管呀。”

         警:“王娘,谁又惹您了?”

         娘:“你看看,这叫嘛小区呀,啊?那炸果子的,天天烟熏火燎的。我们家你不是不知道,当年我们老爷子可是老红军,我妈是老模范,我是吃劳保。他们这就是欺负我这革命家属,弱势群体,这你们得管。”

         警:“王娘,不至于的,回来我跟综合执法联系下,您别着急。这烟熏火燎的也有消防隐患。”

         娘:“对,我就爱听强子说话,通情达理。爽快。”

         

        王娘风风火火去晨练了。

         

         明:“赵警官,您看我媳妇来津投配偶的申请,我这样写行吗?”

         警:“好,我看看。嗯,成,交给我吧。我告诉你准备的其他材料呢?”

         明:“都在这了,您看看。”

         警:“成,交给我吧,我一会儿回去就给所长报卷。”

         明:“谢谢您了。”

         

        王娘风风火火又回来找片警。

         

         娘:“强子,强子,我跟你说,你们警察得管管呀。”

         警:“王娘,您不是晨练去了吗?”

         娘:“今天圣诞节,人家布置广场,我们没练回来了。”

         警:“那您这回又是跟谁生气?”

         娘:“你看看,这叫嘛小区呀,啊?连个炸果子的都没有。”

         警:“啊?不是您刚才让我把卖炸果子的轰走吗?说烟熏火燎。”

         娘:“我那是让你别让他们在我窗户底下炸,谁让你都给轰走了。我告诉你,我们家你可知道,当年我们老爷子可是老红军,我妈是老模范,我是吃劳保。有困难找民警,你得给我解决吃炸果子问题。”

         警:“好么,跟您说实话,我还没找人家综合执法的去呢,也许人家买炸果子的收摊回家过圣诞节去了,明儿您再看看他出不出摊。”

         娘:“行,反正这事就交给你了。有困难找民警嘛。”

         

        王娘风风火火的回家了。

         

         明:“有这么不讲理的老太太吗?”

         警:“王娘就是这么个人儿,刀子嘴豆腐心,热心肠,跟我不见外。”

         明:“也就您是好脾气,我要跟她住邻居,不定得打多少火了。”

         警:“不至于的。行,材料我收了,您回去等我信儿。”

         明:“您多费心。”

         警:“不客气。”

         

        画外音“这不咱们片警赵警官在这了吗,让他给评评理。”片警寻声而去。原来是张勇开车不小心把阎姨家的宠物狗的腿给压折了,张勇的媳妇晓莉正气势汹汹的数落阎姨要碰瓷。

         警:“哟,这是怎么了?”

         莉:“这老太太非说是我们家车把她家狗腿压折了,要碰瓷。”

         姨:“谁碰瓷了?你讲理吗?”

         警:“晓莉,你先稳住,张勇,先把你媳妇劝走。”

         

        张勇过来劝晓莉,晓莉不情愿的退到一边。

         

         警:“张勇,这是怎么回事?”

         勇:“嗨,我倒车没看见阎姨家小狗从哪里窜出来,结果就……”

         警:“阎姨,您家小狗有狗证吗?”

         姨:“有呀。”

         警:“您带着了吗?”

         姨:“这……没有。”

         警:“那麻烦您,回家拿一趟行吗?”

         姨:“我们家可是七楼,这……”

         警:“阎姨,您受累拿一趟吧。”

         姨:“行。我去拿。”

         

        阎姨回家去拿狗证。

         

         警:“张勇,你看人家阎姨也不是那碰瓷的人,不知道你嘛意思?”

         勇:“嗨,我也是觉得怪对不住人家的,但我媳妇怕老太太狮子大张口……”

         警:“行,我明白了。”

         

        阎姨拿完狗证下楼来了。

         

         姨:“赵警官,这是我们家闺女的狗证。”

         警:“张勇,你看,阎姨多疼她们家小狗。阎姨这么大岁数,还跑楼上那一趟狗证,也不容易。不过,话又说回来,阎姨,您有狗证放家里也不行,养犬规定上写了这遛狗您得拴着链子,狗证得随身带着。”

         姨:“嗯,知道了知道了。”

         警:“张勇,阎姨,您们看,都是抬头不见低头见的邻居。咱们本着友好协商的态度,商量下这事怎么解决,张勇看看是否能够担负一部分医药费呢?”

         姨:“哎呀,我们家闺女这腿……后半辈子可怎么过呀?”

         警:“阎姨,您家这宠物狗能当闺女那么养,人家可不能当闺女那么赔呀。”

         姨:“啊?嗨!强子,你说话怎么那么哏儿呢。得了,就冲你这幽默劲儿,这医药费没多少钱,我不要了。”

         勇:“阎姨,这也没多少钱,我出。”

         警:“张勇,开车带着阎姨和阎姨的闺女,看病去。”

         勇:“没问题,阎姨,带着我妹子上车。”

         姨:“倒霉孩子,贫。”

         

        居委会黄主任慌慌张张跑来。

         

        黄主任:“赵警官,你快去看看吧,二胖要跳楼。”

         警:“在哪了?”

        黄主任:“你跟我来。”

         

        片警和黄主任来到楼顶。二胖坐在楼顶边眼往下看着,发愣。

         

         警:“二胖因为嘛想不开?”

        黄主任:“听说是圣诞节,本来定规女朋友来他家见父母,结果早起俩人散了。”

         娘:“你个缺德、嘎嘣、死不了、挨千刀的倒霉二胖,你给我下来!我告诉你,这顶子是是赵警官花钱给孤老户沈奶奶铺的,你那么胖,踩坏了不赔,我给你没完!你怎么不去你们家屋顶子上跳去呢!”

         警:“王娘,你这干嘛呢?”

         娘:“我看他那么没出息,就有气。”

         警:“行了,您别添乱了,我劝劝他。二胖,这值当的嘛?我告诉你,你爷爷奶奶身体可不好,你可别吓唬他们。二胖!你听见没有?看着我!看着我!想想你爷爷奶奶。你好好想想!你往里坐,听话,来,过来。”

         胖:“你别过来!”

         警:“我不过去,我不过去,你好好想想呀,你为了一个女的,损失了你自己的生命,你才18岁,兄弟,听警察叔叔一句话,娘们儿有的是,不值当的……”

        片警趁着二胖不注意,将其扑倒在地。

         

        天黑了,幼儿园门口妈妈来接女儿。

         

         儿:“妈妈,爸爸不是说今天来接我吗?”

         妈:“嗯……爸爸说加班来不了了。乖女儿,妈妈带你去买圣诞礼物好吗?”

         儿:(把书包往后一背,向前走去)“告诉我爸爸,他再不陪我玩,我可就长大了。”

         

        赵鹏.jpg

        作者简介:赵鹏,笔名:启贺、老鹤。自幼酷爱曲艺,钻研相声、快板艺术。师从快板名家郑文昆先生、相声名家王佩元先生、小品相声作家刘凯先生,并成为曲艺理论家薛宝琨先生的入室弟子。曾有幸得到相声名家马志明先生指教。公安部文联曲艺委员会理事。多年来,撰写了多篇关于相声、快板赏析、理论的文章,并在全国刊物上发表。

         

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